April 5, 2009

I am so behind on posting. I originally wrote a post for last Monday but I did not get it finished so here it is edited & updates with the last weeks worth of info. I went back to work Monday & it felt great! Dorene & Rebbecca cleaned up my cubicle & evacuated all the dust bunnies. They hung up balloons, streamers & a welcome back sign. There were also Bagels with flavored cream cheese from Panera, fruit & juice. My Supervisor Jeff even baked some brownies! Everyone was great & so supportive, they all have been through this. I am very thankful to have such a good support system.

Here are Brandon & Katie's school pictures we got to preview.

I got more good news as the week went on, I am in the April 1, 2009 graduating class from the Community College of The Air Force, WooHoo, it seems like I have been working to get my degree from them forever. Tiffany, Brandon's girlfriend sent me a picture of her Prom dress & it is stunning. This will be Brandon's first Prom & he is pretty excited to be going with her. We took him over at 10AM last Sunday so he could spend the day with her, plus her family was able to get to know him a little better. He flew out Saturday morning to New Jersey to spend the week with Marc's brother & his family. Sounds like they have a very fun time planned for him.

I was really surprised to find that I felt very good even at the end of each day. Going back to work Monday was a huge step in my road to recovery. Unfortunately I was supposed to go to the hospital twice this week after work & get more labs drawn but I forgot all about it. I will say that it's nice to have a 42 day break in between my chemotherapy treatments. I don't anticipate any negative side effects with this round of Chemo but anything is possible it is only the second cycle of 8 so well see. I was told if I would have any besides my immune system & platelet counts dropping they should manifest between the second & the third week.

I also went down to the base & made up my April Drill Thursday & Friday so it has been a very busy week. I am sure my entries will get less & less on this Blog as time goes on. From this point forward I feel obligated to let you all know I will only use this Blog for medical updates on my condition. This Blog has been such an instrumental part of my coping, healing & therapy so it is with deep regret that I may have to shut it down soon. It saddens me a little because you have all shared my family & my experiences good & bad with me this whole time & I could not have got through it without you all. Not that I am out of the woods yet but we are so much closer.

I am sure many of you are confused as to why I will be shutting it down. Unfortunately there has been too much scrutiny by someone who reads to much into my life & is not supportive of me or my recovery as this Blog was intended to do. They demand attention & will never stop. I am done dealing with them but they won't stop obsessing about me. I have never been fake or cared what others think my actions should be so I am not about to start now. I will not allow the sharing of my experience through these difficult times to be sabotaged & tainted by another's negativity.

For those of you that are interested in keeping up with me & my family as a whole please send me your e-mail address to sandittie1@yahoo.com. I am in the process of trying to create a new Blog on our family life that will have restricted access.

March 27, 2009

I just completed my fifth dose of Dicetabine. I am so ready for this week to be over. Niki came up to the James & we got to visit which was so nice. She is such a positive person & always motivates me. Only 5 Cycles left now, I am glad for the 6 week break. It gets really tiresome sitting in the hospital for hours on end waiting. Waiting, I have spent a lot of time waiting over the past 6 or 7 months. After a long wait from my Dr & numerous e-mails with work I finally got confirmation that I can go back to work on Monday, YES!!!

Come to find out handicap parking access was a much bigger issue than I originally thought it would be. My Dr only made the restriction for access to handicap parking in the anticipation of the days that my levels are low & slow me down. Long story short my employer does not have handicap parking only a parking garage for exempt staff. I had to fill out a form for temporary access & that had to go all the way to the top. The Director did sign off on it this afternoon. I heard my Supervisor Jeff & Tom helped tremendously in expediting it. I am only working roughly 10 days or so the first month I am back so it should not be an issue for long as my strength & energy has come back in leaps & bounds. I wanted to go back full time but my Dr said NO so we compromised on the plan to be back to full time by the end of June through the Transitional Work Program. Everyone is so worried I am going to hit the ground running but I assure you I am going to pace myself. My friends & co-workers once again are rallying to support me & I can't wait to see them all Monday & tell them Thank You in person!

As if the Chemotherapy everyday this week & setting up my return to work was not enough. I had major drama with Norma AKA Misty, Marc's mother. Calgon take me away!!!

March 24, 2009

Here are my Lab Updates:
Day----WBC----ANC--------Hgb--------PLT---- Transfusions
10 Mar---189-----1.8-----900---------11.2---------187------------N/A
13 Mar---192-----1.7-----500---------11.6---------238------------N/A
18 Mar---197-----1.8-----800---------##.#---------###------------N/A
22 Mar---200-----3.4----1800---------13.1---------162------------N/A
23 Mar---201-----2.9----1300---------12.9---------144------------N/A

Marc has been waking me up every morning this week, he started at 5:45am. He is increasing the wake up window by 15 minutes earlier each day. It is his attempt to get me back in the mode of waking up early in preparation for heading back to work next week. I have never been a morning person. I am grumpy until I get in the shower, where he has always been an early riser. Needless to say I did not want to get up either day so far this week but I did anyways. After Zack gets on the bus each morning I drop Brandon & Katie off at school & head to the James Cancer Hospital for my Chemotherapy.

I had to get an IV placed Monday since I don’t have the PICC anymore. These weeks of Chemotherapy and weekly lab draws sure do make me miss my PICC. I have been lucky enough to get a chemo room with a TV so that helps the time go faster. I did talk to Jon the floor Nurse Practitioner about scheduling my 5 other Chemotherapy cycles around my work schedule. It will take some juggling & serious preplanning but he said we will work something out.

I have been pushing everyone so hard trying to get back to work Marc, the Dr & myself & now that it is right around the corner I am a little nervous. I have always been a work-a-holic but after being physically sick for so long & staring death in the face really forces you to rethink your priorities in life. All the extra time I spent on work at home…was it worth it? I can tell you this when I got sick all work stopped. I had no choice I mentally & physically could not do it & I seriously had to ask myself that question.

I have always pushed my self so hard in the military to be the best Airmen that I could. I have had a really great career but it also came with a price. I volunteered for a lot of things that took me away from the family. Last spring when my enlistment was up I seriously considered getting out, but there was still so much I wanted to do with my programs plus I really wanted to make Senior Master Sergeant before I get out & Marc got me thinking about our retirement so I went ahead & re-enlisted. I can’t tell you how many hours, days, weeks & even months I was away from my family over the years. When I was home I spent countless hours doing what I could not get done while I was at the Unit. Marc used to get so upset about that & we would argue. I could never just leave it at the base. My military career is headed down a much different path these days that will keep me grounded & that means more time with the family, the best of both worlds. I found out today I have a waiver to participate until September 2010 but I cannot deploy or go to any formal schools.

I was not just a work-a-holic at the base, when I first started at ODH I did the same thing. There was so much to do & I was still learning the job. There just never seemed to be enough hours in the day. It took me about a year of research to be the "subject matter expert" & to finally start feeling comfortable in what I was supposed to do. I have never been one to do the minimum with anything. I always try to overachieve & do more even if it is not requested. So in hindsight I suppose it was self-imposed.

Counting today I have been off work for over 202 days. I feel like I am walking back into uncertainty next week but I am confident I will do fine. I don’t know why I got this cancer but I do think it was someone’s way of telling me I needed to slow down. So I will still give 100% when I am at work but when I am home it’s family time. I am sure Marc will be quick to remind me of this should I go back to my old ways. Family does come first. I can't make up for the things that I have missed all I can do is be here now & I am taking it all 1 day at a time.

Speaking of 202 days it has been that long since I have quit smoking WOOHOO! Marc is still taking the Chantix & doing very well at resisting the urge to smoke considering I drive him nuts.

March 22, 2009

We just got back from a long overdue family vacation. I think it is safe to say we all had a blast but we are wore out. Great Wolf Lodge was awesome. The water park portion was HUGE! Zack rode every water slide in the place & could not get enough of it. He even got to meet Whiley the wolf. Katie liked the hot springs & the Magic Quest interactive game. We got a Magic Wand & the game for Zack but Katie really got into it the most. Paige started not feeling well the second day down there but hung in. Brandon was a constant thumb warrior on his phone so we told him if Tiffany wanted she could come down for the day so she did, we got to meet her parents & they seem really nice. Brandon of course was happy the rest of the day. Marc said we will definitely go back in the future. Thank you so much Bill, if you had not got us the room it would have been awhile before we took a vacation.

I think we are all a little burnt out from eating out. I can't believe I actually said that. We had Max & Erma's on the way down, Golden Coral for dinner, IHOP the next morning, Tacobell & McDonalds for lunch, Larosa's for dinner & the Buffet at the Lodge for breakfast this morning. Needless to say I set out 2 chickens to thaw Saturday for dinner tonight & they turned out awesome.

Here are my Lab Updates:
Day----WBC----ANC--------Hgb--------PLT---- Transfusions
24 Feb---175-----2.4----1800---------10.5----------97------------N/A
27 Feb---178-----1.8-----800---------10.4----------93------------N/A
4 Mar---183-----1.6-----900---------11.3----------78------------N/A
6 Mar---185-----1.4-----800---------11.3---------120------------N/A
10 Mar---189-----1.8-----900---------11.2---------187------------N/A
13 Mar---192-----1.7-----500---------11.6---------238------------N/A
18 Mar---197-----1.8-----800---------##.#---------###------------N/A
22 Mar---200-----3.4----1800---------13.1---------162------------N/A

The James Cancer called Thursday to try & burst my bubble I think. My ANC counts were still not above 1000. Normally no big deal but due to my plan for returning to work the following Monday it would have been catastrophic. Well after waiting an extra day I could not take it so I went to the hospital today & had my labs redrawn. My ANC is 1800 so I am going to the James first thing tomorrow morning & then let the 2nd round of maintenance chemotherapy begin. Everything has been cleared by ODH's Human Resources office for my return except access to handicap parking. I received information from ODH's ADA office on a pilot parking exemption. It will cost $125.00 per month to park in the buildings parking garage compared to the $4.00 a day I was paying to park a few blocks away. There is no guarantee I will get it as it is on a first come first serve basis & it is only good for 3 months. I am so anxious to get back work at this point lets just hope there are no more unexpected snags. "NOW WHAT"

March 17, 2009

Thanks Aunt Lynn fo rthis super cute Video. I hope the luck of the Irish finds you all, Happy St. Patricks Day!

The weather here is absolutely beautiful. I have been working as best I can outside today with Benny, Tammy & Brandon on the back patio, what a task. We could not do it without their help. I still have to go in to the hospital & get my blood drawn today & pick up my results from Friday. Hopefully my ANC & WBC counts are up.

Zack was so excited to wear hos green to school today & they are all 4 chomping at the bit to go to Great Wolf Lodge. Brandon had his girlfriend, Tiffany, over Sunday for the afternoon & she stayed for dinner. She is very pretty & polite. I like her, it is very nice change from some of his previous ones. Katie was a little jealous over his relationship, she wants a boyfriend & it just not going the way she planned. I told her in time & to not not get so upset. Paige is Paige, I had to take her a new pair of jeans to school yesterday because she cut the knees out of them, remember that craze from the late 80's, well its back. the school policy is no holes in the jeans if you can see the skin, but mini skirts are allowed...I don't get that one.

Marc still has his bike apart & he is making me nervous that it will not e done in time for inspections. His clutch cable finally came in so hopefully he can put it back together soon. My Aunt Sue is coming up to Lima next week to stay with my Grandma. I have Chemotherapy all week at the James but I hope I can get up there before she heads back to Texas, I would love to see her.

& that is what's going on this week!

March 14, 2009

Here are my Lab Updates:
Day----WBC----ANC--------Hgb--------PLT---- Transfusions
20 Feb---171-----3.1----2200----------9.4---------177------------N/A
24 Feb---175-----2.4----1800---------10.5----------97------------N/A
27 Feb---178-----1.8-----800---------10.4----------93------------N/A
4 Mar---183-----1.6-----900---------11.3----------78------------N/A
6 Mar---185-----1.4-----800---------11.3---------120------------N/A
10 Mar---189-----1.8-----900---------11.2---------187------------N/A
13 Mar---192-----Pending

I am feeling pretty good. I hate taking the extra medications but thats really my only complaint. This week went by really fast. I can't say that I did much of anything of interest. I think ever since I made the decision I am well enough to go back to work the time is passing quicker. Marc & I are taking the kids on a much needed retreat to Great Wolf Lodge later this week. A very special thanks goes out to my dear friend Bill Larue for helping to make this happen. All of the kids are excited and counting the days.

I am heading up to Marysville this afternoon to meet Angie & Paula for lunch. Marc is keeping himself very busy & still not smoking, he is doing great. I will take pictures during our vacation & try to post them next weekend.

March 11, 2009

Here are my Lab Updates:
Day----WBC----ANC--------Hgb--------PLT---- Transfusions
20 Feb---171-----3.1----2200----------9.4---------177------------N/A
24 Feb---175-----2.4----1800---------10.5----------97------------N/A
27 Feb---178-----1.8-----800---------10.4----------93------------N/A
4 Mar---183-----1.6------90---------11.3----------78------------N/A
6 Mar---185-----1.4------80---------11.3---------120------------N/A
10 Mar---189-----Pending

I do not have my labs from yesterday but I know something is of concern because the James cancer Hospital called me & put me back on the Avelox & Fluconazol.And you thought you had a drug problem!

I feel pretty good for the most part. I have had some trouble with my outer thighs. I severely bruised both of them when my platelets were really low in the beginning of this cancer fiasco. They stayed bruised all the way through my hospitalized treatment. They would fluctuate between a dark purple & black color. The bruises have pretty much gone away but I have slightly discolored skin where the bruises used to be. I do not know if this is ever going to go away but I hope so. I've been having trouble when I exercise both legs it is very painful in those areas, which in turn causes me to not walk very well. I backed off of the exercise thinking maybe I pulled a muscle or something but the other day I was on the trampoline with the kids for a couple of minutes literally & when I hopped off it the pain in my thighs was so intense my knees buckled & I went straight to the ground. It scared the hell out of me. The pain slowly subsided but I can't figure out what the problem is with them.

Over the weekend we all had a blast. Marc still has his motorcycle apart in the garage. The weather was so nice except for the wind, I rode up to Indian Lake & back. Zack decided that he is no longer afraid of the motorcycles & he wants to ride so I took him for a very short one around town, he loves it. We went & got him his own helmet so he can ride with us this summer. He holds on real good but Marc has a better seat on his with a backrest that Zack can hold onto. Marc is going to try to find a way to mount handles on it as well, we'll see. It was too cute when we were pulling into the driveway he said no not here, he wanted to keep going. We ended up getting Zack a full-face helmet just to be safe & it fits him a lot better. He insisted on the green Mohawk. The weather was so nice all of the kids had fun outside playing & chalking up the driveway with Zack.Brandon helped Marc in the garage he is moving everything around & throwing stuff away left & right. He made 2 trips to the donation center & he took more of Misty's stuff over to her. Every year he gets into a garage clean up mode when the weather starts to get nice. He is turning the small side of the garage into his motorcycle area. So he is really into cleaning it up out there. I think it is busy work to keep him from smoking. He is on the Chantex & he is doing real good. They went smoke free at his work so he really did not have much of a choice. I am very proud of him. On a side note today is my sisters birthday so Happy Birthday Sharon! Copper is finally home to stay we hope. Her color was too yellow so she had to go back in the hospital for an extra day. Sharon said she is eating good & forgot just how much a baby sleeps. Sierra is doing good as well.

March 5, 2009

My sister had her baby the morning of March 2nd before she was scheduled to be induced so I am the very proud Aunt of Copper Elizabeth Conrad. I can't wait to see the pictures. Her birthday will be pretty easy to remember because it is the same day as my nephew Loudon on Marc's side of the family.

Marc took me to my Dr. yesterday for my monthly check up. It went very well. My Dr. took me off of the Neuroten since it does not seem to be helping with the night sweats. My energy level is steadily increasing which is a good thing because last month I was wiped out & she was very concerned about that. My pain level has decreased for the most part. I tried to work out with Tony Little on Tuesday morning & I think my muscles went into shock because they have been very sore ever since. I talked to my Dr about my weight gain & she told me not to be so hard on myself about it, that it took 10 months to put it on & it is going to take at least that long to take it back off. My muscles have deteriorated quiet a bit from being so lethargic all the time. Tuesday was the most action they have seen in a long time so no wonder they are screaming.

Here are my Lab Updates:
Day----WBC----ANC--------Hgb--------PLT---- Transfusions
12 Feb---163-----3.1----1810---------10.3---------257------------N/A
17 Feb---168-----2.3----1400----------9.4---------246------------N/A
20 Feb---171-----3.1----2200----------9.4---------177------------N/A
24 Feb---175-----2.4----1800---------10.5----------97------------N/A
27 Feb---178-----1.8-----800---------10.4----------93------------N/A
4 Mar---183-----1.6------90---------11.3----------78------------N/A

I will be down at the base today & tomorrow to make up the March drill weekend. My immune system is at 90 so I have to do my drills when there is not a lot of people around until all of my treatments are done & my immune system is normal again That will probably be until around October or November. My Dr. scheduled me for my next cycle of Maintenance Chemo which is going to be March 23 through March 27. We discussed my return to work at my civilian employer on March 30th. It will initially be part time & work its way back to full time. Unless there are any unexpected illnesses or issues that should be a go.

March 1, 2009

I am feeling much better than I was a few days back. The sinus pressure is all gone & the congestion has all pretty much went away except for a little bit in the mornings.

Marc has both of our bikes taken apart to get them ready for the riding season. It is probably a good thing it has been so cold out & we can't ride. We took our carbs in to have them re-jetted & he has to get new lines to fit his ape hangers that he did not put on last year. I am surprised he waited so close to riding season to do this but with me being sick he has been a bit pre-occupied.

Friday night after we did our taxes Marc & I made it up to Marysville for our friend Ruthie's retirement party. We had a really good time. I even sang a little bit of redneck woman & danced to the cha cha cha song before we left. Saturday Brandon & Paige went to their Grandparents house to see their Aunt Wendy who is up visiting. I took Zack & Katie to Walmart. Katie got another game for her DS & a movie set with the rest of her gift cards & Zack got the movie Gremlins, he loved it. Katie's last Manga book she ordered over a month ago just arrived in the mail this morning so she was really happy.

I am anxiously awaiting news to see if I am a new Aunt again. My sisters due date was over a week ago & now it looks as if she will be induced on Tuesday if she does not pop it out before then.

I will not pick up my Friday lab reports until I go in tomorrow to have more labs drawn. I feel pretty good for the most part I know my platelets were dropping last week but they were not so low that I needed an infusion. I am scheduled to go to the Dr. on the 4th. I will have to wait & see what she says but I am hoping she is ready to seriously consider letting me go back to work at least part time for now & see how I tolerate that. I think I am ready!