March 24, 2009

Here are my Lab Updates:
Day----WBC----ANC--------Hgb--------PLT---- Transfusions
10 Mar---189-----1.8-----900---------11.2---------187------------N/A
13 Mar---192-----1.7-----500---------11.6---------238------------N/A
18 Mar---197-----1.8-----800---------##.#---------###------------N/A
22 Mar---200-----3.4----1800---------13.1---------162------------N/A
23 Mar---201-----2.9----1300---------12.9---------144------------N/A

Marc has been waking me up every morning this week, he started at 5:45am. He is increasing the wake up window by 15 minutes earlier each day. It is his attempt to get me back in the mode of waking up early in preparation for heading back to work next week. I have never been a morning person. I am grumpy until I get in the shower, where he has always been an early riser. Needless to say I did not want to get up either day so far this week but I did anyways. After Zack gets on the bus each morning I drop Brandon & Katie off at school & head to the James Cancer Hospital for my Chemotherapy.

I had to get an IV placed Monday since I don’t have the PICC anymore. These weeks of Chemotherapy and weekly lab draws sure do make me miss my PICC. I have been lucky enough to get a chemo room with a TV so that helps the time go faster. I did talk to Jon the floor Nurse Practitioner about scheduling my 5 other Chemotherapy cycles around my work schedule. It will take some juggling & serious preplanning but he said we will work something out.

I have been pushing everyone so hard trying to get back to work Marc, the Dr & myself & now that it is right around the corner I am a little nervous. I have always been a work-a-holic but after being physically sick for so long & staring death in the face really forces you to rethink your priorities in life. All the extra time I spent on work at home…was it worth it? I can tell you this when I got sick all work stopped. I had no choice I mentally & physically could not do it & I seriously had to ask myself that question.

I have always pushed my self so hard in the military to be the best Airmen that I could. I have had a really great career but it also came with a price. I volunteered for a lot of things that took me away from the family. Last spring when my enlistment was up I seriously considered getting out, but there was still so much I wanted to do with my programs plus I really wanted to make Senior Master Sergeant before I get out & Marc got me thinking about our retirement so I went ahead & re-enlisted. I can’t tell you how many hours, days, weeks & even months I was away from my family over the years. When I was home I spent countless hours doing what I could not get done while I was at the Unit. Marc used to get so upset about that & we would argue. I could never just leave it at the base. My military career is headed down a much different path these days that will keep me grounded & that means more time with the family, the best of both worlds. I found out today I have a waiver to participate until September 2010 but I cannot deploy or go to any formal schools.

I was not just a work-a-holic at the base, when I first started at ODH I did the same thing. There was so much to do & I was still learning the job. There just never seemed to be enough hours in the day. It took me about a year of research to be the "subject matter expert" & to finally start feeling comfortable in what I was supposed to do. I have never been one to do the minimum with anything. I always try to overachieve & do more even if it is not requested. So in hindsight I suppose it was self-imposed.

Counting today I have been off work for over 202 days. I feel like I am walking back into uncertainty next week but I am confident I will do fine. I don’t know why I got this cancer but I do think it was someone’s way of telling me I needed to slow down. So I will still give 100% when I am at work but when I am home it’s family time. I am sure Marc will be quick to remind me of this should I go back to my old ways. Family does come first. I can't make up for the things that I have missed all I can do is be here now & I am taking it all 1 day at a time.

Speaking of 202 days it has been that long since I have quit smoking WOOHOO! Marc is still taking the Chantix & doing very well at resisting the urge to smoke considering I drive him nuts.