February 20, 3009

Hi everyone, I have really neglected my blogging this week. As my life begins to return to a semi-normal state between treatments the rest of this year, my updates may become less frequent but as a minimum I will try to update weekly. On the plus side I made it back in my military uniform which was was the most concerned about!

Here are my Lab Updates from Tuesday, today's as you can see are still pending:
Date------Day----WBC----ANC--------Hgb--------PLT---- Transfusions
30 Jan---150-----2.8----1000---------10.4----------85------------N/A
2 Feb---153-----36.4----31700--------10.6---------131------------N/A
4 Feb---155-----3.9-----????---------9.9----------160------------N/A
6 Feb---157-----3.2-----1500---------10.0---------190------------N/A
9 Feb---160-----6.0-----4000---------11.8---------262------------N/A
12 Feb---163-----3.1----1810---------10.3---------257------------N/A
17 Feb---168-----2.3----1400----------9.4---------246------------N/A
20 Feb---171-----Pending

My (ANC) or neutraphil count is dropping along with my white blood cells. Aahh the timing of the drop sucks! Brandon has a little cough & runny/stuffy nose & the sneezes going on. I started feeling a little tickle in the back of my throat last night & I have been sneezing a little bit but not to bad. I did stop & get some cough drops on the way into the base today because Marc was really getting on me to do it. My head is a little achy & my throat is slightly sore but I still don't feel too bad. I went ahead & made Brandon wear a mask when we got home & I put on one as well. I am scared to death to get sick again. I asked Brandon if he was sick the other day & he said no, today when I picked them up from school he said he felt terrible & he is sick, but he still made me take him to practice & he has every intention to wrestle this weekend at the district tournament. I think it is a bad idea & I told him he was going to be to weak & get stomped he said he does not care, he is still going. Teenagers, you cannot tell them anything! (I would have never admitted this when I was a teenager)

This is a good picture of Katie & Paige. Katie's drwaing books she ordered finally arrived & the Sims game Sara ordered her arrived this week as well so she could not be happier. She pokes her head out of her room every now & then for food & when we call her, I expect she will be engrossed in these for a few weeks & it is going to be like pulling teeth to get her away from them to socialize LOL. Paige is still having some trouble; she got a detention this week for not participating in gym 3 times (dress cuts) & a few other things. Again I say teenagers when my hair does come back in I swear it is going to be all grey.

There was maybe one decent weather day last weekend & Zack could not stand being cooped up anymore so he made a beak for the trampoline. He thinks he is a tough guy to, just like his Bubby!

I survived a whole week working at the base. I completed all of My EMT re-certification paperwork & I have my new CPR card so I am good for a couple more years. It was a pretty small class so I had the time to sit & talk with my classmates & make new friendships. Although I will miss them I am glad I don't have to worry about my CPR & EMT anymore & that the week is over. The hardest part was getting up in the mornings. I really struggled with that. I am not normally a morning person anyway but it was even tougher than normal to get up out of bed however once I was up & had time to adjust I was fine. My evenings were not to bad either. I seemed to have a little more energy than normal at night but it was pretty short lived, as I would find myself in bed quite early for me.

I also noticed during the week that my brain capacity & function seems to be much improved. In the last 3 months I really was suffering from chemo brain quite frequently & could not process information in my normal way. This week there was a noticeable improvement; I even got a 100% on my EMT Exam. I could not even recall some of the basic EMT info a couple of months ago so I surprised myself.

Thank you Aunt Sue & Uncle David I got you card in the mail today. I continue to be so grateful for your very generous Chemo fund donations. You have donated so much already & we are very grateful. As everyone knows my treatment is not cheap & in January I unexpectedly became ill & was hospitalized for an additional 8 days that we had not anticipated, every donation helps so much.

I want to send a shout out to Debra Beck, look me up in face book & send me your e-mail. For that matter if anyone is trying to get a hold of you & me don’t have my e-mail face book is another good way to contact me. Debra used to be in the 445 AES with me, she found me again through the Buckeye Flyer, the WPAFB 445 Airlift Wings monthly newspaper. They did a wonderful article on me for the Blood drive my unit was sponsoring back at the beginning of the month & it also listed my Blog address.

I will try to update my Blog again on Monday, if my lab results come back before then I will post them sooner. I hope everyone enjoys the weekend & Thank you all for your continued support.

February 13, 2009

Hi everyone here is my Lab Updates:
Date------Day----WBC----ANC--------Hgb--------PLT---- Transfusions
26 Jan---146-----4.5----3100---------9.1----------37------------N/A
28 Jan---148-----2.7----1100---------10.6----------64------------N/A
30 Jan---150-----2.8----1000---------10.4----------85------------N/A
2 Feb---153-----36.4----31700--------10.6---------131------------N/A
4 Feb---155-----3.9-----????---------9.9----------160------------N/A
6 Feb---157-----3.2-----1500---------10.0---------190------------N/A
9 Feb---160-----6.0-----4000---------11.8---------262------------N/A
12 Feb---163-----3.1----1810------10.3-------257------------N/A

I have not updated since the 9th & I apologize for that. The Chemo has been taking a lot longer at the hospital then what I understood it would. They originally told me an hour a day for 5 days. What they left out is I have to get labs drawn on the first & third day & they have to wait on the results which can take an hour or longer. Once the results are back the Dr has to write the chemo order then they have to fax the order to the pharmacy so they can fill it.This can take another hour or 2. The actual Chemo administration takes an hour. So on average I have been spending 3 to 4 hours a day at the hospital to receive my chemo. I do not know how I am going to schedule these chemo treatments in when I go back to work. It is going to get real interesting. After today I will have 5 weeks to recover from the 36mg of Decitabine (Chemo) & then we will start the next cycle, I have 7 cycles left to complete. God willing the Leukemia will stay in remission & towards the end of 2009 I will be completely done with Chemotherapy & just have follow up appointments to ensure I am in remission.

My girlfriend Chanie took me to the hospital on Monday for treatment & then Marc took me on Tuesday. Wednesday & Thursday I drove myself & I didn't do to bad. Today Marc drove me since my counts dropped yesterday & I was really tired. I did manage to cook dinner 3 out of 4 nights this week. So the kids & Marc had to suffer with left overs one night, I don't think that's to bad. The Dr said I would feel the best this week but I hope she was wrong & I will feel the best next week, especially since I have to re-certify my EMT next week before it expires.

We did survive the big wind storms on Wednesday night but our gazebo that was screwed onto our pool deck did not. We were lucky this was the only damage, I heard that some of the wind gusts were as strong as 75mph. I know it sounded like a freight train going past the house most of the night.

Marc & Zack were starting to get a little shaggy so I went with them to get their hair cut. Zack was flirting with the girl cutting his hair.

I noticed this morning in the shower what little bit of hair I have is coming out again. Hopefully it won't all fall out. I have been putting the Olive Oil Root Stimulator that Angie got me back when I was first diagnosed, to see if it will help it grow faster.

Zack has been amazing with school. He has had all white days since returning from Christmas break. He is reading very well & he sounds out words that he does not know for the most part on his own with minimal help. Katie has been being more social around the house so I think she is finally getting back to normal. She was working with her ink splatter technique the other day. We got online & ordered some of her drawing books that she wanted. So everyday she has been watching the mail waiting on them. Brandon's ringworm looks like it has been getting bigger, but he has been putting his medicine on it so he should be allowed to wrestle on Saturday at the SCOL tournament. Paige has been having a real rough week, girl drama.

Marc is taking me out to eat for Valentines day when we leave the hospital today. We have a club meeting later on tonight. I do not know what is going on this weekend or how I am going to be feeling so we will have to play it by ear. Next week is going to be a very long week for me & I suspect I will be very tired at the end of each day, so I may not get this updated for awhile. Please be patient with me.

Although we are leukemia free at the moment my Dr. said that this could change at any time without warning. I choose to believe that the worst is over & we are almost out of the woods. Thank you everyone, who still continues to follow my blog & those of you who send your prayers & encouragement. I still get on her daily to look at your comments even if I don't always post, Marc reads them to me!

February 9, 2009

I want to send a special thank you out to the 445th AES for sponsoring the Blood & Bone Marrow Drive in my honor at the American Legion in Fairborn, Ohio. Master Sergeant Drake told me they had about 34 people donate blood, some of which doubled up units & they also had about 20 people register to become Bone Marrow Donor's. I thought this was fantastic & everyone that donated & worked the event should be commended. Thank you all so much!

Today's labs
Date------Day----WBC----ANC--------Hgb--------PLT---- Transfusions
26 Jan---146-----4.5----3100---------9.1----------37------------N/A
28 Jan---148-----2.7----1100---------10.6----------64------------N/A
30 Jan---150-----2.8----1000---------10.4----------85------------N/A
2 Feb---153-----36.4----31700--------10.6---------131------------N/A
4 Feb---155-----3.9-----????---------9.9----------160------------N/A
6 Feb---157-----3.2-----1500---------10.0---------190------------N/A
9 Feb---160-----6.0----4000------11.8-------262------------N/A
Today started out rough. I did not want to get out of bed. My sweats have escalated to not only at night but intermittently during the day. This morning after my shower they were real bad, I thought I was going to have to take another shower. Our weekend was pretty mellow. We did go out to the clubhouse to socialize for a few hours on Saturday night but we were home in bed shortly after 10. Marc did make it out for a short ride on Sunday it was in the Mid forty's. I on the other hand said no it will have to warm up a bit more before I try to get out on the bike.

Chanie came to take me to Chemotherapy this morning & I am so grateful. After taking the kids to school I realized I am really not up to driving in Columbus today. I have just been really tired all day. When we got to the Chemo Clinic they did not even call me back for labs until 12:30pm. I figured we would of been out of there by then since the Chemo is only supposed to take an hour. Needless to say they did not even start my Chemo until after 2:oopm. I texted Brandon to let him & Katie know I would not be there to pick them up, so Misty picked them up for me. We got out of the James around 3:30pm & we made it back to London a little after 4pm. Chanie had not seen Katie in years & Zack was his usual charming self. Paige has a make up game at McClain & Brandon was at wrestling practice even through he still can't wrestle.

Chanie offered to help me fix dinner, spaghetti & meatballs. Marc was home & able to help me & I knew we got back later than we expected. Her girls have Karate class tonight so I sent hr home. On a side note, I know my brain is still off. I left my cell phone at the hospital & did not realize it until I was almost home. They have it & I will pick it up tomorrow at my next treatment. I still feel tired but all n all I can't complain. I don't feel sick from it. In all honestly I think the tiredness is still part of my recovery from being sick. This should be a long week with treatments everyday & driving back & forth to Columbus. At least my labs are up & we should be able to monitor them pretty closely all week. They hospital does not think my counts will drop until the third week. Or at least that is when they said I should feel the worst, we'll see.

Sharon White made a donation to my Leukemia fund right before I went back in the hospital with the bacterial infection so I have yet to tell her thank you. I some how missed it because I do not check my credit union account but every other week, so I missed it. Sharon, thank you so much you have already done so much & I don't want you to think we forgot about you because we haven't. The family also got a Valentine's card from my niece Sierra & I got another Valentines card from a great friend Katie Miller. You ladies are all awesome & you know just how to lift my spirits, thank you all.

I will try to update tomorrow we will have to see how the energy level goes!

February 7, 2009

The 445 Aeromedical Evacuation Squadron is hosting a Blood Drive in honor of me, MSgt. Sandi Golden-Vest today Saturday, Feb 7, 2009 from 8:00am-1:00pm. Walk-in’s are welcome!

Site: American Legion Post 526
526 Legion Lane
Fairborn, OH 45324
Site phone: 878-3831

Contact on Arrival: Major Kimm Sandusky (1-513-678-2715 ) MSgt Joseph
Drake (George Copfer, Post Commander )

While you are waiting you can become a Bone Marrow Donor as well, no appointment is necessary for this & there is no cost associated becoming a registered Bone Marrow Donor on this date at this location.

Beginning registration for the blood drive is 8:00am. Please come out & donate if you can.
***Community Blood Center will provide juice and cookies and a t-shirt to all
blood donors.

Yesterday's labs
Date------Day----WBC----ANC--------Hgb--------PLT---- Transfusions
24 Jan---144-----3.3----2700---------8.4----------34----------------N/A
25 Jan---145-----5.9----4320---------9.0----------28----------------N/A
26 Jan---146-----4.5----3100---------9.1----------37------------N/A
28 Jan---148-----2.7----1100---------10.6----------64------------N/A
30 Jan---150-----2.8----1000---------10.4----------85------------N/A
2 Feb---153-----36.4----31700--------10.6---------131------------N/A
4 Feb---155-----3.9----????----------9.9---------160------------N/A
6 Feb---157-----3.2----1500------10.0-------190------------N/A

I am sorry I was unable to post yesterday, I had a really bad headache & my body was aching badly all over but especially in my hip. The resting MUGA tests seemed to go well but took forever. I thought I had one of those tests before but after going through it I was wrong. They put an IV in my arm, drew blood, then they mixed it with radiation & injected it back in my arm. They performed an EKG & then waited about 30 minutes, then they remove all but 3 of the leads. There is a big metal container with a camera inside in the shape of a plate. They put you in 3 different positions to take 3 pictures of the heart. From what I could see on the monitor it was just a bunch of tiny dots that went into a white blur so I do not know how they read it. We got out of the Ross Heart Hospital about noon.

Marc took me to get some lunch & then we headed to Madison County Hospital to get my labs drawn. After that we picked up Brandon & Katie from school. Here's a news flash I forgot to tell you about the other day. Brandon did not get to wrestle in his meet on Thursday. When the referee’s did his weigh in & body inspection they found a spot on the back of his neck that looks like it could be ringworm. So yesterday I took him to see his pediatrician & although it looks like it could be dry skin she said that the pattern of it & coloration could be ringworm so she put him on a prescription just in case. The SCOL District Tournament is on the 14th so he should be cleared up by then.

Here is what you have all been waiting for...I got my results back from the Bone Marrow Biopsy & I am very happy to report that there is 1% Blast Cells in my Bone Marrow & no signs of Leukemia! We could not have asked for better results. I questioned my Neutraphil count again as it appears it is still dropping but since it is above 1,000 we are still ok. They also told me that the pumping action of my heart is at 64% & it needed to be above 50% so everything is good to start my Maintenance Chemotherapy on Monday.


Thank you Aunt Sue & Uncle David for the Cheryl Cookies. The kids & I did not want to wait until Valentine's Day so we dug in not to mention they were a wonderful surprise & a nice treat to celebrate the good news that we received from the James!

This morning Katie let Spike out to potty & there is a skunk that lives under my neighbors shed... well the skunk was out I guess & Spike went for it & got sprayed in the face. Poor Katie let Spike back in the house not realizing it & Marc hurried up & got him back outside but the house has "ode de skunk" smell now. Zack thought the whole thing was cool & wants to see the skunk & Marc wants to shoot the skunk. I think it is the same skunk that got Coral, the Chocolate lab we used to have, a few times. Marc used some white vinegar & dishwashing liquid on Spike to try & tame the smell.

Here is a picture of Paige that I took at her Basketball game Thurseay night.

It is forty degrees outside already today, talk about a heat wave. It is about time it warmed up around here. I am feeling a lot better today then I did last night but I am still a little shaky, I did not get out of bed last night except to eat dinner.

Thank you everyone for being so supportive & your prayers. I know I say this all the time, but it is true we could not get through all of this without you. I will try to update again on Sunday.

February 5, 2009

Yesterday's labs
Date------Day----WBC----ANC--------Hgb--------PLT---- Transfusions
24 Jan---144-----3.3----2700---------8.4----------34----------------N/A
25 Jan---145-----5.9----4320---------9.0----------28----------------N/A
26 Jan---146-----4.5----3100---------9.1----------37------------N/A
28 Jan---148-----2.7----1100---------10.6----------64------------N/A
30 Jan---150-----2.8----1000---------10.4----------85------------N/A
2 Feb---153-----36.4----31700--------10.6---------131------------N/A
4 Feb---155-----3.9----????-------9.9-------160------------N/A

Talk about a bounce in my numbers. The Neupogen shots did their thing, but as you can see as soon as I came off of them my counts dropped just as drastically as they rose. Fortunately my ANC has not dropped below 1,000 so for now I can stay off of the shots. My labs will be drawn again on Friday. I was too drugged up to ask for my detailed lab report before I left the hospital yesterday to get my ANC. If I had to guess it was somewhere in the 3,000 range.

Yesterday was a very long day at the hospital, they drew my labs & then Marc & I went back to the Bone Marrow Biopsy room. They pre medicated me with Ativan & something else about a half hour prior to the procedure which really relaxed me. Marc was great throughout the whole thing. he gets squeamish with blood & needles unless it is horror show, so I was real proud of him he didn't want to take any pictures but I wanted him to so he did. He actually got a picture of them aspirating the bone marrow that is pretty cool. After that I had an EKG done then we saw my Dr. She ended up taking me off the VFEND (an antifungal medication that is generally used to treat serious, invasive fungal infections), the Avelox (an antibiotic agent) & the Fluconazol (an antifungal drug used in the treatment and prevention of superficial and systemic fungal infections) but told me to hang on to what I have left. She told me fungal infections can sometimes take moths to clear up so I am a little confused as to why she took my off the antifungals.

We also talked about the hormone shot that has thrown me into menopause I am due to get it again & I told her I wanted to try to go on without it, for various reasons. The weight gain I have put on since I got the shot 3 months ago has been driving me nuts. The hot flashes & sweats are ridiculous. If I am going to go back to work & be successful, it will make it that much harder to get through the day constantly dealing with that. My Dr. did double up my Neurontin, so I have to go to the Pharmacy later & get the prescription filled, I was to out of it yesterday to do anything.

We talked about me going back to work & in my mind I see at the end of the month. Well she does not think so... I am so irritated because I just want to be well & get back to the way my life used to be a large part of that is my work. She scheduled me to go back in on Friday to get a resting MUGA test done to assess the pumping efficiency & motion of my heart. All of the results should be good along with my Biopsy results, which should also be back by Friday. My researcher told me that she needs the results to be at less than 3% not 5% like I had thought before. She did mention that if the results are not less than 3% the next step is a Bone Marrow Transplant not more chemo. I am pretty confident I am going to be at 1% or less so I am not even going to think about that. After all that was done I had to go down to radiology for a Chest X-Ray & we finally got to go home.

If all these tests are good (they have already scheduled me) I will be starting my third phase of treatment, Maintenance Chemotherapy with Decitabine, starting on Monday. I was not expecting it so quickly but my Dr. was confident that I could do this. This phase of Chemotherapy is the Clinical Trial Portion of my Treatment. All next week Monday through Friday I will be going in & getting Chemo. the bonus is at least I get to come home each night it is all out patient.

So like I said earlier I had high hopes of being back to work by the end of the month. My Dr is saying no, April or May & I said bull are you going to pay my bills for me? So hopefully I tolerate this first round well & when I see her again at the beginning of March she will change her mind & at least consider letting me go back part time & work on building back up to full time.

Today my backside is a little sore but no pain no gain right! I have done real well tolerating my pain since I got out of the hospital so I do no intend on breaking my steak of no pain meds unless of absolutely need to/ I was worried I would get addicted because the whole time I was in the hospital 2 weeks ago they had me on a lot of pain meds for 8 days straight. So I am happy to report that I have not needed any since except what they gave me during the Biopsy yesterday.

That’s a lot of info for one day huh? Well I posted my new slide show from yesterdays adventure. Tonight is Paige's last game, Marc is going, it is against Madison Plains a huge London rival, I want to go but I don't know if I can handle the bleachers that long. We'll see.

Click this link to view a slide show of the Jan 2009 Sledding adventure withthe kids! http://s524.photobucket.com/albums/cc324/Sandittie1/Jan%2009%20Sledding/?albumview=slideshow



The 445 Aeromedical Evacuation Squadron is hosting a Blood Drive in honor of MSgt. Sandi Golden-Vest on Saturday, Feb 7, 2009 from 8:00am-1:00pm. Please go online & register for this is you are able, last I heard from the Unit there were only 2 people registered for this event.

Site: American Legion Post 526
526 Legion Lane
Fairborn, OH 45324
Site phone: 878-3831

Contact on Arrival: Major Kimm Sandusky (1-513-678-2715 ) MSgt Joseph
Drake (George Copfer, Post Commander )

While you are waiting you can become a Bone Marrow Donor as well, no appointment is necessary for this & there is no cost associated becoming a registered Bone Marrow Donor on this date at this location.

Beginning registration for the blood drive is 8:00am. Appointments are recommended; blood donors are asked to make an appointment by going to our website: www.donortime.com click on Find a Drive and use sponsor code: 986 Last Registration: 12:50pm
***Community Blood Center will provide juice and cookies and a t-shirt to all
blood donors.

Please go online & register if you are able to participate, Per my Unit members as of yesterday there were only 2 people registered for this Blood Drive.

February 3, 2009

Yes, Zack got a white day yesterday to those that were wondering. You just never know with him , he keeps us on our toes. Marc & I went to Parent's night last night it was a little delayed because the Basketball game went into overtime. I did not want Paige to be upset but I was not comfortable being around all those people coughing & sneezing so I asked Marc to take me home. This was probably a good thing because I got a call from the school today Paige threw up & was not feeling well so i had to go up to the school & get her. I wore my mask just in case. After I got her home & talked to her it sounds like she is going through a hairy situation with some other girls at school & not feeling good on top of it made it worse. It's tough being a teenager & kids are mean these days. I am hoping she feels better soon & it is nothing serious. My counts were up yesterday but I also quit the Neupogen shots so they could drop as quickly as they rose, well see tomorrow.

I did not wake up with a headache today so maybe it was the shots. I have felt weird all day though. My mind seems a little behind my actions, & I am more fatigued then I was yesterday & I haven't done anything. Even though I am tired I feel like I am doing better. I have been sitting going through paperwork & receipts trying to get ready to do our taxes, fun fun! Other than that there is nothing else to tell except this. When Marc got home yesterday he pulled up my blog & busted out laughing at my picture, he said it was because of the way I was smiling & not showing my teeth, he's got one coming for that. The picture really was kinda like "BLAM" when you pull up the Blog. Oh well if you can't laugh at yourself you got bigger problems than me! I am in for lounging the rest of the evening. I will be posting late tomorrow or on Thursday depending on how I feel since tomorrow we have #5 Bone Marrow Biopsy. We will be at the hospital pretty much all day because I have to wait a few hours to see my Dr. in the afternoon & she may order another CAT Scan. So that's it for now...


The 445 Aeromedical Evacuation Squadron is hosting a Blood Drive in honor of MSgt. Sandi Golden-Vest on Saturday, Feb 7, 2009 from 8:00am-1:00pm.

Site: American Legion Post 526
526 Legion Lane
Fairborn, OH 45324
Site phone: 878-3831

Contact on Arrival: Major Kimm Sandusky (1-513-678-2715 ) MSgt Joseph
Drake (George Copfer, Post Commander )

While you are waiting you can become a Bone Marrow Donor as well, no appointment is necessary for this & there is no cost associated becoming a registered Bone Marrow Donor on this date at this location.

Beginning registration for the blood drive is 8:00am. Appointments are recommended; blood donors are asked to make an appointment by going to our website: www.donortime.com click on Find a Drive and use sponsor code: 986 Last Registration: 12:50pm
***Community Blood Center will provide juice and cookies and a t-shirt to all
blood donors.

February 2, 2009

I have to say this before I forget it is t funny. Marcus has always called me Princess for years. Well here lately he has a new name he has been calling me, his Chia Pet & the picture below will show you why.....
Today's labs
Date------Day----WBC----ANC--------Hgb--------PLT---- Transfusions
24 Jan---144-----3.3----2700---------8.4----------34----------------N/A
25 Jan---145-----5.9----4320---------9.0----------28----------------N/A
26 Jan---146-----4.5----3100---------9.1----------37------------N/A
28 Jan---148-----2.7----1100---------10.6----------64------------N/A
30 Jan---150-----2.8----1000---------10.4----------85------------N/A
2 Feb---153-----36.4----31700-------10.6-------131------------N/A

This is the first day I have been at home "alone"...well I guess I am not really alone Spike is here with me. I woke up at 5am with a throbbing headache again. I popped 2 Tylenol & 5 hours later it is pretty much gone. I am staying pretty hydrated throughout the day so I am not sure that is what is causing the headaches, although I do sweat a lot at night & a little bit during the day.

Zack was in a a fussy mood before school, I asked him to have a white day & he said he would, but I don't know there was something rotten brewing in him so we will have to wait & see. Paige's bus comes at 7am so she is always the first one up & put the door. After Katie put Zack on the bus I took her & Brandon & dropped them off at school then it was off to the lab. Check out those numbers today! I think it's safe to say I can stop taking the Neupogen shots. Hopefully my numbers will hold out until Wednesday & I can get the Bone Marrow Biopsy out of the way. My Neutraphils are going to drop I just don't know how fast. They are extremely high at the moment along with my White Blood Cells. The last round I had my numbers seemed to yo yo a bit just not quite this high. I don't know the science behind it but given I may still have some infection running through my body I will take the high over the low numbers any day.

Spike & I played a little bit this afternoon. He is getting a little antsy when you take him out he does not always want to come back in right away. We used to be able to entice him with "scooby snacks" but the luster of the treat is not as strong as the call of the wild here lately. He has yet to roam further than the neighbors yard but we have a very busy state route in front of our house & that worries me. He is still a pup so I hope we can find something to get him back on track.

The main event in the Vest house tonight is... parents night for Paige's Cheerleading so we have to go up to the Middle school for a little while & then walk her across the court. Brandon & Paige both have about 3 weeks left in their sports. I think everyone is ready for a break. It has been a long season this year with me being sick. Marc & I usually go to all Brandon's Wrestling meets, I only made it to one this year. Hopefully by the next sports season, football I think, I will be better & we can get back to the normal.


The 445 Aeromedical Evacuation Squadron is hosting a Blood Drive in honor of MSgt. Sandi Golden-Vest on Saturday, Feb 7, 2009 from 8:00am-1:00pm.

Site: American Legion Post 526
526 Legion Lane
Fairborn, OH 45324
Site phone: 878-3831

Contact on Arrival: Major Kimm Sandusky (1-513-678-2715 ) MSgt Joseph
Drake (George Copfer, Post Commander )

While you are waiting you can become a Bone Marrow Donor as well, no appointment is necessary for this & there is no cost associated becoming a registered Bone Marrow Donor on this date at this location.

Beginning registration for the blood drive is 8:00am. Appointments are recommended; blood donors are asked to make an appointment by going to our website: www.donortime.com click on Find a Drive and use sponsor code: 986 Last Registration: 12:50pm
***Community Blood Center will provide juice and cookies and a t-shirt to all
blood donors.

February 1, 2009

I woke up with a headache again today. I have been back on the Neupogen shots since Friday night, Marc seems to think that is what is causing the headaches. I don't remember the shots doing that in the past but I don't remember a lot of things here lately. It seemed to subside a little after lunch so that is an improvement from yesterday. I go get labs again tomorrow & hopefully the Neupogen shots worked & my Neutraphil count is up.

Zack came in this morning & laid in bed with me & watched TV for a little bit.

I went & had a manicure & a pedicure done back in September right after I found out I had Leukemia. I had to get my gel tip finger nails removed since I was going to be in the hospital & have y oxygen saturation's monitored for so long & the pedicure was just because I wanted one. I only bring this up because I have not painted my toenails since. Marc was so sweet today & painted my toenails for me. It was great because I have felt so unfeminine for so long with no hair, it was just what I needed today, happy feet.

I guess it got pretty warm today, I didn't go outside. A good part of the snow started to melt only to reveal not quiet an inch of ice coating the driveway. Marc said he was worried that I would fall on the ice trying to get to the car in the driveway so I could go to the hospital. Brandon & Marc spent a large part of the afternoon trying to get the ice off.

Paige spent the night at Olivia's & will not be home until halftime. Brandon is going with Marc to the Columbus Clubhouse to watch the Super Bowl until halftime. Katie & Zack are home with me & we have the house to ourselves for a few hours tonight.

The 445 Aeromedical Evacuation Squadron is hosting a Blood Drive in honor of MSgt. Sandi Golden-Vest on Saturday, Feb 7, 2009 from 8:00am-1:00pm.

Site: American Legion Post 526
526 Legion Lane
Fairborn, OH 45324
Site phone: 878-3831

Contact on Arrival: Major Kimm Sandusky (1-513-678-2715 ) MSgt Joseph
Drake (George Copfer, Post Commander )

While you are waiting you can become a Bone Marrow Donor as well, no appointment is necessary for this & there is no cost associated becoming a registered Bone Marrow Donor on this date at this location.

Beginning registration for the blood drive is 8:00am. Appointments are recommended; blood donors are asked to make an appointment by going to our website: www.donortime.com click on Find a Drive and use sponsor code: 986 Last Registration: 12:50pm
***Community Blood Center will provide juice and cookies and a t-shirt to all
blood donors.

January 31, 2009

I woke up this morning with a pounding headache & it has not went away all day. My night sweats & chills were real bad last night. I keep taking my temperature but it keeps reading normal. I think the broken sleep throughout the nights is starting to catch up with me. I have not been out of bed much at all today.

Paige had her friend Oliva spend the night last night, Zack swears that Olivia is his girlfriend, I don't think he gave them to much peace. Katie spent the night over at her friends house. Brandon did not get home last night until real late, he lost his first match & won his second. Early this morning he lost his match so since it is a double elimination tournament he is out & has to watch everybody else the rest of the day. Marc headed off to Columbus a little bit ago with Benny so for now it is just me & Zack hanging out & he is being a real sweetheart, he is watching Inspector Gadget in my bed now. He is a totally different kid when he is the only one in the house.

My 5th Bone Marrow Biopsy is this Wednesday morning followed by an afternoon appointment with my Dr. I am anticipating since the 4th Bone Marrow Biopsy came back at 1% Blast Cells that this one will be the same or 0% since the chemotherapy has continued non stop. If this confuses anyone what started this all was my first two Bone Marrow Biopsy's came back with 33% Blast cells in my Bone Marrow & 34% Blast Cells in my perepherial blood. My type of Leukemia, AML, is defined by the presence of >30% Blast Cells in the bone marrow. At this stage of the game with my treatment anything over 5% Blast Cells is not good & we have to re-evaluate & possibly start all over again. This is obviously worse case scenario next to me getting sick again. We won't get the results back from the biopsy for a few weeks but I anticipate that they will be 1% or less so we can press forward with the Decitabine, Maintenance Chemotherapy treatment.

Here are some of the pictures from the kids sledding down at the Missing Link Property. Katie although very apprehensive at first about going seemed to genuinely enjoy herself.
This was Zack's first time sledding & he absolutely loved it.
Brandon was not content with the big hill he had to make a ramp at the bottom to get some air with his snow board.
Paige was the first one down a hill & for hot chocolate.
Then there is the biggest kid of them all, Marcus!

I have a lot more pictures but I will try to upload them all into a slide show & post it on the Blog later.



The 445 Aeromedical Evacuation Squadron is hosting a Bl00d Drive in honor of MSgt. Sandi Golden-Vest on Saturday, Feb 7, 2009 from 8:00am-1:00pm.

Site: American Legion Post 526
526 Legion Lane
Fairborn, OH 45324
Site phone: 878-3831

Contact on Arrival: Major Kimm Sandusky (1-513-678-2715 ) MSgt Joseph
Drake (George Copfer, Post Commander )

While you are waiting you can become a Bone Marrow Donor as well, no appointment is necessary for this & there is no cost associated becoming a registered Bone Marrow Donor on this date at this location.

Beginning registration for the blood drive is 8:00am. Appointments are recommended; blood donors are asked to make an appointment by going to our website: www.donortime.com click on Find a Drive and use sponsor code: 986 Last Registration: 12:50pm
***Community Blood Center will provide juice and cookies and a t-shirt to all
blood donors.

January 30, 2009

Today's labs
Date------Day----WBC----ANC--------Hgb--------PLT---- Transfusions
20 Jan---140-----0.2------0----------7.7---------26----2 Units of Blood
21 Jan---141-----0.3------0----------9.5----------17----------------N/A
22 Jan---142-----0.7-----410---------9.0------13/43--1 Unit of Platelets
23 Jan---143-----1.8----1400---------8.5----------38----------------N/A
24 Jan---144-----3.3----2700---------8.4----------34----------------N/A
25 Jan---145-----5.9----4320---------9.0----------28----------------N/A
26 Jan---146-----4.5----3100---------9.1----------37------------N/A
28 Jan---148-----2.7----1100---------10.6----------64------------N/A
30 Jan---150-----2.8----1000-----10.4----------85------------N/A

Marcus is at work today, I know he struggled with leaving me at home but the kids don't have school today again so I will have lots of company. Marc left at 6am & did not get to work until a little after 7am he said the roads are still real bad. Brandon is having a 2 day wrestling tournament at Marion Pleasant I thought with school being cancelled that the tournament would be as well. After many phone calls the tournament is still on but there is no school bus for today so I had to write a release for him to ride with one of the coaches. I stressed coaches because I hear the roads are worse up north & I did not want him riding with a teenage driver.

It was snowing this morning when I got up pretty heavy but it stopped & then the sun came out by the time I had to drive to the hospital for my lab draws. It was so bright even with sunglasses on. I must admit even though it was right here in town I was real nervous & not just because the roads were bad. I do not know if it is my vision is off or if it is still my balance that is messing with my vision. So I just took it slow. My last trip out of the house was to drop off Brandon & Dakota at the school & pick up my lab report from the hospital. The roads were much better & the sun was even brighter. I felt a little more comfortable driving but I don't see me driving to Columbus or any other distance any time soon.

I want to say thank you again to Misty, she had a ton of food delivered to our house from Kroger's today. The kids were ecstatic especially when they saw the Smores pop tarts, chips & pop. Zack immediately wanted the Doritos it was too funny.

My labs were not what I had hoped they would be. The James Cancer Hospital called me & per my Dr. I am to go back on the Neupogen shots starting tonight & through the weekend until I get my labs drawn Monday then we will re-evaluate the situation. I noticed my hemoglobin is doing pretty good but my platelets are being very stubborn. They normally bounce back quicker so I do not know if it is because I am still sick or if something else is going on. I feel a little better each day but I am not going to push it I have never been in this position before. It was a major event for me to go out the two times that I did today. Each time I got home I went & laid in bed. I still can't stand for long periods of time I know this will eventually change but in the mean time it frustrates the heck outta me that I have hardly no strength.

You may notice that I have removed the fundraising progress thermometer that has been a permanent fixture on my blog. I chose to do so for a number of reasons.

First, as I have been using the funds for different expenses related to my Chemothearpy treatment, I decided it would be seem negative to see the amount raised appear to decline when in fact it is simply a reflection of your generous donations in action. And let me tell you the panic I feel when I spend a dollar of it! I am particularly aware of how blessed I am to have to have the money as a resource.

Second, after getting sick last week I really don't know anymore how much I am actually going to need, so a specific goal is impossible to determine. While I know there will ultimately be many expenses that I will incur, I do not want to mislead anyone by stating a number I can no longer be sure of.

Humbly, I ask that if you still are ever able to donate, please do so. The "Donate" button will continue to work and the Credit Union, will continue to accept any donations sent. Anything and everything helps.I still am in awe of the incredible support I have received from so many. Thank you for being a part of my success.

January 29, 2009

Nothing new to update tomorrow should prove more interesting with my labs. I am still tired & weak. I am taking the day off from Blogging, the computer screen is really bugging my eyes.

January 28, 2009

Here is how I look today, still holding a lot of weight & tired but compared to January 22, 2009 I look fabulous!
Today's labs
Date------Day----WBC----ANC--------Hgb--------PLT---- Transfusions
19 Jan---139-----0.2------0----------8.2-------2/35-1 Unit of Platelets
20 Jan---140-----0.2------0----------7.7---------26----2 Units of Blood
21 Jan---141-----0.3------0----------9.5----------17----------------N/A
22 Jan---142-----0.7-----410---------9.0------13/43--1 Unit of Platelets
23 Jan---143-----1.8----1400---------8.5----------38----------------N/A
24 Jan---144-----3.3----2700---------8.4----------34----------------N/A
25 Jan---145-----5.9----4320---------9.0----------28----------------N/A
26 Jan---146-----4.5----3100---------9.1----------37------------N/A
28 Jan---148-----2.7----1100-----10.6----------64------------N/A

I should have went & got my labs yesterday but somehow I lost a day so I changed up my routine & went to the New lab today. The new lab is definitely not Sue, they did get me on the first stick though. I asked them to call me with the results & they said they do not do that her if I want them I have to write a letter & then come back in & pick them up. She said since we were in a level 2 snow emergency she would do it today so I would not have to come back up. I thought to myself gee thanks. Man Sue spoiled me . I am going back in on Friday to have her draw my labs again before the weekend. I hope my ANC comes up.it is down quite a bit from what it was when I left the hospital if it drops below 1,000 I go back on the Neupogen shots again. Marc said it is so close I should start them back up tonight. The lab results are supposed to be faxed to my Dr. at the James so I went ahead & called them & they told me to hold off for now my both my platelets are starting to recover & my hemaglobin is doing good so they want to see my ANC & WBC do the same. We will see Friday I guess.

We had snow then freezing rain & then snow again so there is a layer of ice coating everything in all I think we got about 4-5 inches of snow. I hope that is the end of it. The roads were a mess when Marc took me to the hospital. I am still to weak to drive or do much of anything. I am still resting a lot & will continue to until these infections have completely cleared up so I can recover. I have a slight cough that came on the day we were leaving the hospital. I think it is from whatever is in my lungs. I still am fever free, the sweats & chills continue to taunt me day & night. I just keep telling myself I want to be well, I am really tired of being tired all the time. Slow & steady wins the race I just need to keep my but in bed for now.

The kids of course did not have school today. So it has been video game heaven in the house. Brandon & Paige have been thumb warriors texting all day. Katie hasn't said to much here lately. She has been more quite than normal ever since she came back from her dads. She dropped a bomb on me the day I came home from the hospital about possibly going to live with her dad & she has been acting weird ever since. It usually takes her about 3-4 weeks for her to get back into the swing of things here. So I keep waiting on her to snap out of it. We talked a lot about it this afternoon.

Zack got a splinter in his foot running around without his socks on. So Marc played Dr. & tried to get it out as you can see Zack was not happy when it was over.
Here's Paige always posing for the camera
Brandon with his phone in hand ready for the next text message while watching CMT. He's going country now.
Katie was lounging on the couch watching Zack Play My SIMS's
The Zack Attack!
Of course we can't forget Spike!
Did somebody say Brrrrrrr, Marc was out trying to clear the sidewalk & driveway so we could go to the hospital.

January 27, 2009

How good it feels to be at home. The kids were all happy to see me & I them. Zack gave me a huge hug boy I needed that. Spike was up in my bed at least 3 times last night & once this morning. Marc actually picked him up & put him there when he was whining because our bed is so high he can't jump up.

I am still very sick but no fevers. I had hot & cold spells all night long followed with sever sweating. IT is daytime & I am awake doing the same thing. The sweats are bad & I have yet to get a break from it. Marc is keep a very close eye on my temperatures so far so good. My nose is also so sensitive to smells. I think the anti fungal they have me on is doing this. The anti fungal is Cephalexin, smells strongly of sulfur & I have to take it 4 times a day. I have not figured out what it is but there is something in the house irritating my nose something awful.

Marc wanted me to thank everyone that donated time for him to be able to be with me while I am sick. I have absolutely no energy it is a major effort just to get out of bed. I do not know what I would do if Marc wasn't here I am a mess. I can't think straight, I feel unsteady & dizzy all the time. It was all I could do to sit at the table with Zack last night while he read me his book for homework.

I called my RN Sue at the Chemo Clinic here in London to let her know I would be in Thursday for labs & since I don't have a PICC anymore she will not be taking care of me. I have to go to the Park Ave Building that is part of the Hospital they have a lab there so this should be an interesting adventure. Sue spoiled me with calling & telling me what my counts are & being there if I need something else.

My 5th Bone Marrow Biopsy is next Wednesday in the morning & then I see Dr. Walker in the afternoon so that is going to be a long day she may order a follow on CAT Scan to check to see if the Fungal Infection is still there. I am going to go for now may be a day or two before I update again bad weather is moving in & the kids will more than likely not have school.

Know that I am still fighting the fight & I appreciate everyones support & prayers as we battle though these stumbling blocks on my road to recovery.

January 26, 2008

Here are today's labs
Date------Day----WBC----ANC--------Hgb--------PLT---- Transfusions
15 Jan---135-----0.3------0-------7.9/9.4-----------35--1 Unit of Blood
19 Jan---139-----0.2------0----------8.2-------2/35-1 Unit of Platelets
20 Jan---140-----0.2------0----------7.7---------26----2 Units of Blood
21 Jan---141-----0.3------0----------9.5----------17----------------N/A
22 Jan---142-----0.7-----410---------9.0------13/43--1 Unit of Platelets
23 Jan---143-----1.8----1400---------8.5----------38----------------N/A
24 Jan---144-----3.3----2700---------8.4----------34----------------N/A
25 Jan---145-----5.9----4320---------9.0----------28----------------N/A
26 Jan---146-----4.5----3100------9.1----------37------------N/A

I sweat like a freight train through the night then I froze because the bed was soaked. I woke up to Carli's smiling face saying you want to go home today. I sat up & said Hell Yeah! She laughed & said she was going to e-mail Dr. Walker my oversight Dr. & work on my discharge paperwork & new prescriptions. I am so relieved I miss the kids so much. It has been a very long week & one if not the toughest of my life. In talking to Carli my fever broke sometime between Thursday night & Friday Morning, they removed my PICC Friday afternoon, the PICC culture came back negative. The CAT Scan showed whited patches on my lungs so they started me on the anti fungals right away & they are sending me home on a months supply of anti fungals. They are uncertain which was the cause of the fevers because they stopped before the line was out & before the CAT Scan. I have to have a follow up CAT Scan in a couple of weeks to check to make sure the white patches on my lungs which is assumed to be a fungal infection is gone. They cannot confirm it is a fungal infection without doing a bronchoscopy procedure & they are not going to do one. I will be getting my 5th Bone Marrow Biopsy in a couple of weeks as well to see where we are at with my Cancer before we start the maintenance chemotherapy. I asked Carli to make sure Dr. Walker finished my Employer letter to have my disability continued since I cannot go back to work like I had planned to try in a couple of weeks. So it looks like that will get pushed back another month or so which is for the best. It is going to take me a few weeks just to get my strength back from this.

Marc was up here at the hospital first thing this morning he is patiently awaiting my discharge paperwork. I guess when Marc brought Zack home from Misty's yesterday he said "where's my mom?" Marc told him I was still in the hospital he said he did not care I want my mommy. Marc said he didn't seem pressed about it he was more concerned I wasn't home. It will be nice to surprise him & the rest of the kids later on this afternoon.

Dr. Lam Came in & assessed me & she is going to send Dr. Flynn down here to access me one more time before they let me outta here.

The important thing is I'm going home!

January 25, 2009

From what I hear the Benefit was a big success last night. There were people coming in & out the whole time with takeout. Several dined in as well, Marc's Dad & his girlfriend Pat came up, There were about 30 or so Missing Link Members from Columbus that came, Paula & her husband came up for their "date night" I thought that was cool, Misty brought Zack up as well as many members from the London Community. Marc said he thought there was a couple of people there from ODH but he could not remember their names. Paige took some video of it so I can't wait to see it. Mom Drum & the Marysville Rainbow girls came & helped out. Marc said Mom Wendy was in the kitchen all night cooking over a spaghetti pot. Katie & Paige tried to help out & Mom Wendy ran them outta the kitchen & told them to go eat. The Rainbow Girls girls were very busy serving everybody, Marc said all the girls did a really good job. This Benefit means a lot to us I know Wendy & Keith Hall really put a lot of hard work into it along with all the girls & it came from the heart. Thank you so much London Assembly #208 & Marysville Rainbow Girls to, you ladies are awesome!

While everyone was at the Benefit I was taking a much needed rest. It's nice to look over this morning & see my lonely little IV Pole only has 2 bags instead of the 8 bags that it was holding all week long. My C-Diff culture came back negative today so I am off contact per-cautions. We kinda figured the antibiotics was what caused that problem, they had me on so many powerful antibiotics it was a matter of time before they altered my digestive tract.

Here are today's labs
Date------Day----WBC----ANC--------Hgb--------PLT---- Transfusions
12 Jan----132----0.7-------448-------9.5-----------117--------------N/A
15 Jan---135-----0.3------0-------7.9/9.4-----------35--1 Unit of Blood
19 Jan---139-----0.2------0----------8.2-------2/35-1 Unit of Platelets
20 Jan---140-----0.2------0----------7.7---------26----2 Units of Blood
21 Jan---141-----0.3------0----------9.5----------17----------------N/A
22 Jan---142-----0.7-----443---------9.0------13/43--1 Unit of Platelets
23 Jan---143-----1.8----1400---------8.5----------38----------------N/A
24 Jan---144-----3.3----????---------8.4----------34----------------N/A
25 Jan---145-----5.9----????------9.0----------28----------------N/A

They did not come in & draw my Labs until 7am & they stuck my left hand again, she got it on the first try but I am so tired of getting stuck in my hands it is really painful. I was looking at my right bicep where the PICC line used to be, the spot is about the size of my pinkie fingernail. It feels so weird to not have the line in, my right arm mobility & strength has been so diminished since they put it in back in September. My bicep is saying wimpy wimpy wimpy like the old Hefty trash bag commercials. We still do not have the culture back from the line but is it comes back positive it is hard to believe that little hole about took me out. Look at my WBC counts my little soldiers are multiplying like crazy. I don't know my ANC Counts because no one down here knows how to do the calculations but they took me off the Neupogen Shots so I am close if not over 5,000 Earlier this week I was dying & that is no exaggeration but today I am alive & well WOOHOO!

I had a low grade fever of 99.9 last night around 10ish but I haven't had any fevers today. They are taking me off the IV antibiotic Vancomycin & putting me on something else. They are pushing to get me on all oral antibiotics & mentioned that my counts were doing really good & they may send me home tomorrow, so I am very excited. My longtime best friend from Lima Lisa Benhke, is coming to see me today. I have not seen her in years & I can't wait to see her. Kathy Putt & Momma Morrison are also coming up later on this afternoon I am sure to be smiling all day my face is gonna hurt tonight, so I am so glad I took a break from all visits yesterday. I need this day really to refresh & re-energize. I felt better than I have all week & I haven't even had my shower yet.

It just started snowing outside & it looks like the inside of a snow globe from up here the snow flakes are so big!

January 24, 2009

Spaghetti Dinner Benefit Tonight Saturday, January 24, 2008 5-7:00PM
The Benefit will be held tonight at the Chandler Lodge located at 65 North Main Street, London Ohio. The Menu will be Spaghetti, sauce with meatballs, bread & butter, salad with dressing & a drink for $5.00. Desserts will be available for a donation & you can dine in or carryout is available.It is my understanding that Kroger donated most of the food for this Benefit & National City has raised money as well. If you would like any information please contact Keith Hall @ 614-302-0431or airforcekeith@sbcglobal.net>

Marcus, Katie, Paige & Zack will be there, I am still admitted at the James but I am there with you all in spirit. I am pretty sure Paige will be running around with the video camera if you all want to put a message on there for me feel free I will be watching it as soon as Marc brings it up to the hospital. I also hope to have pictures to post of it on m blog as well. Both Marc & I used to be on the Advisory Board & I was also the Treasurer for the London Assembly #208 Rainbow Girls when Katie & Paige were active in Rainbow.

Here are today's labs
Date------Day----WBC----ANC--------Hgb--------PLT---- Transfusions
12 Jan----132----0.7-------448-------9.5-----------117--------------N/A
15 Jan---135-----0.3------0-------7.9/9.4-----------35--1 Unit of Blood
19 Jan---139-----0.2------0----------8.2-------2/35-1 Unit of Platelets
20 Jan---140-----0.2------0----------7.7---------26----2 Units of Blood
21 Jan---141-----0.3------0----------9.5----------17----------------N/A
22 Jan---142-----0.7-----443---------9.0------13/43--1 Unit of Platelets
23 Jan---143-----1.8----1400---------8.5----------38----------------N/A
24 Jan---144-----3.3----????------8.4----------34----------N/A

Dr Flynn & Dr. Lam came in to see me early this morning. I have been able to finally make it 24 hours without a fever & my counts are on the rise. Dr Flynn said that the spots on the lungs that they found from the CAT Scan he thinks may have been there before but he cannot discount them, the radiologist said they are a fungal infection. I asked him if they were going to do another test to find out for sure & he said no. They are going to take me off of the Caspofungin & the Tobramycim IV antibiotics, then put me on a pill form anti fungal Voriconzole, something about insurance costs & the medication being very expensive & leave me on the Vancomycin IV antibiotic.They are changing my meds so fast I cannot keep up with what I am on & what I am not on.I also asked Dr Flynn about the Blood Infection gran positive cocci I was positive for, he said that was the only Blood Culture that came back positive & it was taken from the ER & since then all the rest have been negative. They have not got the results back from the PICC to see if it was the source yet so we will have to wait. They want to continue to see my counts rise over the next few days & me to stay fever free. IF that happens we will start talking discharge somewhere around the first part of next week so keep praying!

I slept a lot better last night which was long over due. My PCA "Nick at Night" woke me up at 4am to draw my am labs, I was nervous about him sticking me in my hand but he got it the first time.My PCA this afternoon Wendy had to draw a lab again in the same hand so I got real nervous again but she did real good, I had so much bad luck getting stuck the day before so it has been a nice break getting stuck & landing it on the first attempt, I am so grateful.